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Lyrics by Joel Mabus

Rhyme Schemes

(Fossil 1097)

 

All songs and poetry 1997 Joel Mabus
all rights reserved -- do not post this material to another website!

Scroll down or click on title to read the lyrics.

To learn more about this CD, click here
To order this or any album, click here

 

Chairman Of The Bored
Say Cheese
Bubba's 3 B's
The Fiddler's Reply
Mister Lucky
What 'My Doin' Wrong
The Druggist
Clear Blue Sky
Doo Dah Ditty

Chairman of the Bored
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus


I am the chairman of the bored
I am the chairman of the bored

I been nearly everywhere you'd ever want to go
And I know nearly everyone you'd ever need to know
And I got all the money I ever need to get
And it just ain't worth doin' if I haven't done it yet

I been there --- done that
I am the chairman of the bored
I am the chairman of the bored

Been swimming with the dolphins, raced Mazaratti cars
Had lunch with Fidel Castro just to smoke the man's cigars
I painted with Picasso, Played Blues with BB King
I went on tour with Dylan and I taught him how to sing

I Been there ---- done that
I am the chairman of the bored
I am the chairman of the bored

I ran the Boston marathon in 20 minutes flat
Debated William Buckley and I took him to the mat
Dropped acid with the Grateful Dead in 1969
My first wife was a dancer on a Vegas Chorus line

I been there ---- done that
I am the chairman of the bored
I am the chairman of the bored

I made a million dollars on wall street selling junk
I studied in Calcutta with a riddle-speaking monk
Been Yakking with the sherpas -- Schussing down the Alps
Yelling at my therapist but nothing ever helps

I been there -- done that
I am the chairman of the bored
I am the chairman of the bored
Bored bored bored bored

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Say Cheese
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus


When they want you to look happy
But all you feel is blue
Remember, you don't have to mean it when you smile
You don't have to be sincere
To grin from ear to ear
It's all right to be polite for just a while

You can be the very picture of happiness and fun
Whether you're with friends or enemies
You don't have to love 'em
But one thing must be done --
Throw your arms around their shoulders and say "Cheese"

Say cheese -- when you're unhappy
Say cheese -- when you are blue
Say cheese -- when all the bastards 
Tell you things you know ain't never been true

Some other day you'll find a way to ease your miseries
Now stand up straight, meet your fate, take responsibility
'Cause it only takes a moment to make lasting memories

So look 'em in the eye 
It really ain't no lie
Just an elegant reply
When you say CHEESE

Say Cheese, Say Cheese
Everybody please, please, please!
Everybody now, Say Cheese.

A little verisimilitude, please.

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Bubba's 3 B's
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus


You big city slickers that move to the sticks
You got a big problem that I'm here to fix
You'll never fit in -- you'll get the big freeze
'Til you learn to appreciate Bubba's three B's.

[chorus:] 
And its Bubba's three B's
Barbecue, Banjoes and Beer
That's what we like around here
If you're aiming to please, serve Bubba's 3 B's
Barbecue, Banjoes and Beer

The secret's the barbecue sauce
Slobbered on thick with a shiny red gloss
It don't matter the cut, It don't matter the meat
As long as it's chewy and sticky and sweet

[chorus]

Now the banjo's the king of the street
Without it the music just ain't complete
So tune up the 5-string and tighten the hide
Play the orange blossom special and we'll all take a ride

[chorus]

Beer is our favorite vice
Just make it domestic and keep it on ice
Serve tea to the preacher in your good Sunday duds
But kick back on Friday with a bucket of suds

[chorus]

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The Fiddler's Reply (poem)
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus


It's a question that I've heard before
And all that I can say to that is -- no sir!

No sir!

I have played a tune in the dark on the porch
Of a prairie farm -- summer rain coming
Down so straight you could set your chair right there
On the edge of the porch and keep bone dry.
Such straight regular rain, they say, is good 
For the crop. Good for tunes too, I say,
Deep in the night, listening to the corn.

And I remember a tune one winter
Afternoon up north, fiddling after chores.
The sun staring in through a wet kitchen
Window -- all ice outside, all steam inside.
My chair tips back; the woodstove snaps loudly,
Popping irregular time to the steppy
Tunes, flannel and coffee, bisquits and boots.

I've played tunes on a fine spring evening
At the town hall dance where everybody shows,
Joking with the caller, shaking off winter,
Stretching limbs, swapping partners for neighbors.
Good healthy tempos break the first real sweat.
Long lines forward and back and -- Look! Outside!
The sun's still up on a fine green evening !

And then there is a tune I know that plays just
Like a cold November morning. Sober.
Inside, looking out. A gray air that wants
Chords unresolved -- turning into the mist
Like so many leaves, riven and broken,
Returning from sky to earth after fall --
The undeniable fall -- calls them home.

I have played tunes -- not songs. Not voiceable,
Obvious word-infested songs -- but tunes,
Each tune a puzzle, each one a box
With its own proud secret. Each its own smile
Sweetly shown -- each tune is a lesson pondered.
Pattern -- at once familiar yet unique --
Like snow crystals -- like footprints -- like the way
The world is right now -- that's what a tune is.

No sir.

No sir. They don't all sound the same to me.

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Mister Lucky
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus


I met an old man waiting for the bus -- waiting for the bus were we
He asked me for the time of day, I answered "Half past three."
He said, " I used to have a pocket watch like that.
The case was solid gold and the chain was very fat
My grandfather gave it to me and I miss it so
It was stolen by a burglar some twenty years ago."
And the old man stopped and gave a little sigh
Oh what TERRIBLE luck says I

[chorus:] 
Good Luck Bad Luck -- who can ever tell?
Who can ever tell me why
For every tick there comes another tock
As time goes rollin' by

"The watch was stolen from my room in a very posh hotel
The house detective thought it was the maid, and he gave her Holy Hell
But such an innocent girl was she
I knew at once when she smiled and looked at me
With her eyes so blue and her lips so red
Six weeks later the two of us were wed."
And the old man stopped and gave a little sigh
Oh what WONDERFUL luck says I
[chorus]

"We planned a simple honeymoon with a Virgin Island cruise
We booked a trip on a wind-driven ship stocked with good Caribbean booze
We got very drunk on sweet champagne
We were leaning off the rail in the bounding Main
When a boom cut loose and knocked her off the deck
She went haulin' through the water with a rope around her neck"
And the old man stopped and gave a little sigh
Oh what TERRIBLE luck says I

[chorus]

"So in my grief I settled her affairs and I did what must be done
Among her things I found a golden chain where a pocket watch once hung
And stuck between the pages of her diary
Was a recently acquired insurance policy
With an accidental death clause taken out on ME
that would pay her double money if I was lost at sea"
And the old man stopped and gave a little sigh
Oh what INTERESTING luck says I

[chorus]

So I took my pocket watch out of my vest and I popped it off'a the loop
I pressed it into the old man's hand, and I said "Now here's the scoop --
That watch was a present from my Uncle Pete
A notorious fence on Bleeker Street
And as a front he ran a company
Selling insurance to widows-soon-to-be."

And the old man hopped and gave a little Cry
"Oh what a lucky old dog am I"

[chorus]

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What 'My Doin' Wrong
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus
[a new version appears on the Retold album]


What my doin' makes you so unhappy
Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong
You can Change me, Rearrange me, or adapt me
But Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong
I treat you like a princess when we go on the town
But before the night is up, Your Highness blows me down
What my doin' makes my face so slappy
Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong

I'm spending all my dough, where does it get me ?
Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong
This dog house that I'm sleeping in don't fit me
Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong
I introduced you as my baby when we went out to dine
You dropped your plate into my lap, said you was no child of mine
What my doin' makes you want to hit me
Tell me Honey, What My Doin' Wrong

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The Druggist
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus

So now you have a cold
You didn't do as you were told
You went out without galoshes in the rain
You spent your late nights boozing
Instead of home a-snoozing
And now you've just begun to feel the pain
The viruses inside of you 
Are multiplying two by two
And dance the Macarena in your brain
Your eyelids thick and droopy
Your nose is raw and soupy
You ask for my advice let me explain --

[chorus:] 
You need to 
Take acetaminophen or just a little aspirin
Acetylsalicylic for the pain
A dose of guaifenesin, plain and simple Robitussin
To liquefy the mucous membranes
Oxymetazaline or phenylpropanolamine
To open up the sinuses and such
Then try to recoup with a little chicken soup
Call your mother cause it pays to keep in touch
Then try to recoup with a little chicken soup
Call your mother cause it pays to keep in touch

You have tried those new age therapies
And herbal homeopathies
High colonic nozzles and the rest
But those echinacian potions
And royal jelly lotions
Have failed to tame the panther in your chest
Those crystal packing druids
Cannot abate the fluids
That drizzle from your nostril to your vest
The answer it is plain to see
Is found within my pharmacy
So step right in and be my guest

[chorus]

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Clear Blue Sky
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus

In the middle of the city you hear a sea gull cry
Just like finding a peach pit in your Grandma's apple pie
It's the look of your lover when she says good-bye
It's a peal of thunder from a clear blue sky

It's one long tall sunflower standing in a field of rye
It's the telephone that gets answered on about the seventeenth try
Its the truth that hits you when all you hear is lies
It's a peal of thunder from a clear blue sky

Sky Blue Clear
Clear Blue Sky
Try To Hear
Clear Blue Sky

And down by the ocean you see a butterfly
Just like a brand new word that just don't have no rhyme
It's when I see my own tears in another man's eye
It's a peal of thunder from a clear blue sky

Sky Blue Clear
Clear Blue Sky
Try To Hear
Clear Blue Sky

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Doo Dah Ditty
words and music 1997 Joel Mabus

Its a doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty day
Its a doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty day
Gonna do my ditty in a doo dah ditty way

Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty dee
Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty dee
Stand back, people, let my doo dah ditty be

I'm the doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty kid
I'm the doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty kid
Gonna do my duty like my doo dah daddy did

Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty do
Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty do
Gonna leave you here with them doo dah ditty blues

Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty die
Doo dah ditty -- doo dah ditty die
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye bye

Say bye, say bye, say bye, say bye, say bye
Byebye -- byebye -- bye

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2001 Joel Mabus
Last revised: January 24, 2015 .