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lyrics by Joel Mabus

songs from

Ukulele Crimes 

(fossil 2618)

To learn more about the CD, Ukulele Crimes, click here.  
To order this or any other Joel Mabus CDs, click here

On Ukulele Crimes, there are a few instrumentals which are not included on this page of lyrics, obviously.  However, Bugle Call Rag is listed below, which IS an instrumental, but there are many spoken asides, which are included here, just to be thorough.

All the songs below have songwriter credits.  Four of them are Joel Mabus originals, copyrighted in 2018. As such they fall under the intellectual property laws of the United States of America and all its world treaty partners. So beware if you think you can copy and post just anywhere. A short quote is permitted for the use of journalists.

The other songs here are in the Public Domain, and are so marked -- PD.  The lyrics are as I sing them on the CD, not necessarily the way they were published originally.

Scroll down to read all the songs in the order they appear on the CD.  Or click the title in the list immediately below to jump to that song's text.

THE SONGS:

Ukulele Crimes
Goats Can Eat Anything
Georgia Grind
I'll See You in C-U-B-A
Down Among the Sheltering Palms
Way Down Yonder in New Orleans
How Do You Spell Ukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele
The World Is Waiting For The Sunrise
Bugle Call Rag

THE LYRICS:

UKULELE CRIMES
by Joel Mabus 2018

We got Maniacs at large, We got lunatics in charge, We got politics of fear and greed
People shouting in the street, People stomping with their feet , satisfaction is what they need
This world's in lots of trouble, unless you're living in a bubble, you can read it on every face
But I'm not here to bring a grudge, I stand before you as my judge, so listen as I plead my sorry case

Is it a crime to play my ukulele when all the world is blue
Is it a crime to strum a little sump'n' when troubles keep a-comin' at ya two by two
Is it a sin to sing a sunny song, when the sky is fallin' down
If it's a crime to sing and play the ukulele, you'll have to run me out of town - Yes sir,
Run me out of town

Old Emperor Nero scored himself a zero when he fiddled as his city burned
'Cause it's a school boy Jinx to play at tiddlywinks, when calamity is concerned
Now, Circuses and bread might mollify your head - but, cousin, here's the thing
To soothe your savage breast, the charm that works the best is plucking on a ukulele string.
(I feel better already)

Is it a crime to play the ukulele when all the world is blue
Is it a crime to strum a little sumpin' when the troubles keep a-comin' at ya two by two
Is it a sin to sing a sunny song, when that sky comes tumblin' down
If it's a crime to sing and play the ukulele, you'll have to run me out of town - Yes sir,
Run me out of town -- come on and try it -- Run me out of town


GOATS CAN EAT ANYTHING
By Joel Mabus 2018

Goats can eat anything
G - C -- E -- A
Words to remember, four notes to play

My dog has fleas, you say
But that's just not true
My dog is clean - perhaps cleaner than you

She's fit as a fiddle
Clean as a whistle
Quite tidy -- the bed she lies in
Plus, she sleeps in my home
Whereas you and your biome?
God only know where you've been!

Goats can eat anything
That's how I tune
My ukulele's four notes

Just leave my dog out of it
She has no fleas
But I can't speak for you -- or the goats

GEORGIA GRIND
By Spencer Williams 1915

Come here, Pops, look at Sis
She's out in the back yard shakin' like this ---
Doin' the Georgia Grind
That old Georgia Grind
Everybody's talkin' 'bout that Georgia Grind

Get in here, gal. Get in here now!
You're tryin' to be bad, but you don't know how
To do the Georgia Grind
That old Georgia Grind
Everybody's talkin' 'bout that Georgia Grind

Old Miss Jane, she's bent and gray
They play that Georgia Grind, she throws her cane away
And does the Georgia Grind
That old Georgia Grind
Everybody's talkin' 'bout her Georgia Grind

You can shake it East, shake it west
But way down south is where they shake it best
Doin' the Georgia Grind
Down below that Georgia line
Everybody's talkin' 'bout that Georgia Grind

That old Georgia Grind
That old Georgia Grind
Everybody's talkin' 'bout that Georgia Grind

I'LL SEE YOU IN C-U-B-A
by Irving Berlin 1920

Not too far from here
There is a pleasant atmosphere,
Everybody's going there this year,
And there's a reason; The season

Opened last July,
When the USA went dry,
Everybody's going there and I -
am going too!

To Cuba, that's where I'm going,
Cuba, that's where I'll stay;
Cuba, where the wine is flowing,
And those dark eyed Stellas
Light their fella's panatelas.

Cuba, where all is happy,
Cuba, where all is gay!
Why don't you plan a wonderful trip
To Havana? Just hop on a ship,
And I'll see you in C-U-B-A.

Won't you take a friend's advice;
Drinking in a cellar is not nice
Anybody who's got the price
Is going Cuban. Have you been

Thirsting for a while
For that prohibited smile?
Just follow me and I'll -
Show you the way!

To Cuba, where life is happy,
Cuba -- where life is gay!
Old Cuba, where the wine is flowing,
And those dark eyed Stellas
Light their fella's panatelas.

Cuba - That's where I'm going,
Cuba, that's where I'll stay;
Why don't you plan a wonderful trip
To Havana? Just hop on a ship,
And I'll see you in C-U-B-A.

With all that cuba libre on the table,
We'll drink until I won't be able
To see you in C-U-B-A!

DOWN AMONG THE SHELTERING PALMS
By James Brockman & Abe Olman 1915

To be down among the sheltering palms,
O honey, wait for me, O honey, wait for me
Down beside the Golden Gate,
Where the sun won't set till way past eight,
How my love is burning, babe it's burning,
And my heart keeps yearning, how it's yearning
To be down among the sheltering palms,
O honey, wait for me

Down among the sheltering palms,
O honey, Wait for me, wait for me
Don't forget we made a date
Down there beside that beautiful Golden Gate,
My love for you is burning, how it's burning,
How my heart keeps yearning yearning yearning
To be down among the sheltering palms,
O honey, wait for me
Wait
Wait for me

WAY DOWN YONDER IN NEW ORLEANS
by Turner Layton & Henry Creamer

Way down yonder in New Orleans
In the land of those dreamy scenes
It's a Garden of Eden -- If you know what I mean

Creole babies with flashin' eyes
Softly whisper tender sighs STOP
Won't you give your lady fair a little smile? STOP,
Bet your life you'll linger there a little while

We've got heaven here on earth
With those beautiful queens
Way down yonder in New Orleans

Way down yonder in New Orleans
In the land of them crazy dreams
It's a Garden of Eden -- You know what I mean

Creole belles with flashin' eyes
Softly whisper a sweet surprise STOP
Won't you give that lady fair a little smile? STOP
You can leave your troubles there a little while

It's like heaven here on earth
With them beautiful queens
Way down yonder in New Orleans
Way down yonder in New Orleans

HOW DO YOU SPELL UKULELE
By Joel Mabus 2018

Tell me, how do you spell UKULELE
How do you spell UKULELE
How do you spell it? UKULELE
U--- I know it starts with U

U for used-to-be
K a koa tree
U for up-and-down
(that's how you strum it, see?)
L is for the luau,
E for every girl and boy
L for licking fingers
E from eating all that poi

And that's how you spell UKULELE
That's how you spell UKULELE
That's how you spell it - UKULELE
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE

Well,is it hard to play the ukulele
Is it hard to play the ukulele
'Cause it seems hard to play the ukulele
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE

Naw, naw, naw it's just one chord
And then another
You play one chord
And then you play another
It's just one chord
And then another
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE --
"Like this" -

Yeah, but how do you spell UKULELE
I forgot how you spell it - UKULELE
How do you spell UKULELE
YOU K YOU - Sumpin like that?
"Listen here"

U for used-to-be
K for koa tree
U for up-and-down
(that's how you strum it, see?)
L for the luau,
E for every girl and boy
L for licking fingers
E from eating all that poi

That's how you spell UKULELE
That's how you spell UKULELE
That's how you spell UKULELE
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE --
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE --
YOU K YOU - Elly EL-LEE

UKULELE SCHMUKULELE
By Joel Mabus 2018

I got a ukulele, I love it so
I take my ukulele every place I go
I play my ukulele real loud & clear
They say, "Get that schmukin' ukulele outta here"

I say, ukulele --- Schmukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele that's ok
I play my schmukin' ukulele anyway

Ukulele Benny & Ukulele Jim
Went to Ukulele Lake for a ukulele swim
Met Ukulele Betty & Ukulele Jill
Now they all go uka-uka up on Ukulele Hill

With a ukulele --- a little Schmukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele that's all right
Ukulele Schmukulele day and night

Now, Ukulele Smith & Ukulele Jones
Built a ukulele app for their ukulele phones
Find the Ukulele Button -- hit Ukulele Send
Send a Ukulelemoji to a ukulele friend

Ukulele --- send a Schmukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele how it's done
Call Ukulele Circle 6-2-5-1

Ukulele Jenny & Ukulele Jack
Did some ukulele cookin' in their Ukulele shack
Took a ukulele pickle & a ukulele peach
Made a ukulele picnic down on Ukulele Beach

With an ukulele --- and a Schmukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele, me oh my
Cut me 'nuther slice o'that Ukulele pie

Ukulele Lady married Ukulele Ike
She said, "You got the kind o' ukulele ukuladies like
Then Ukulele Lady had a ukulele kid
She said, Ukulele Daddy, look what ukulele did !

Ukulele --- Schmukulele
Ukulele Schmukulele Mister and Ms
Ukulele Schmuk! That's all they is!

THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR THE SUNRISE
By Gene Lockhart & Ernest Seitz 1919

Dear one, the world is waiting for the sunrise
Every rose is heavy with dew
That thrush on high his drowsy mate is calling
As in my heart I'm calling you

Now the whole wide world is waiting for that sunrise
Every little rosebud is heavy and wet with dew
And as this old world keeps waiting for that sunrise
Deep In my heart I'm calling you
I'm calling you

 

BUGLE CALL RAG
By Pettis, Meyers & Schoebel 1922
Instrumental with the following commentary:

"Rise and shine, boys and girls, rise and shine"
"Be woke and bespoke!"
"Play that bugle call - Bugle Call Rag"
"Haha, Off to the races, now."
"Shake off that drowsy slumber"
"Aw, you're just foolin' with me!"
"Time to face the day!"
"Work to be done!"
"Play that reveille, Beverly."
"Rise and shine! Glory be!"